thursday!

This is my favorite thing that was making the rounds yesterday. I can't think of a better one than the Newt Gingrich one.

Good news, everyone!

Mercury is beautiful.

This is a feature, not a bug.

/RAGERAGERAGE

I have several fine-looking lampposts on my block that are available.

Morons: one, two, three

On progress.

Scott Harper's run against Judy Biggert twice already, and if this soundbite doesn't help him in 2012 I don't know what will.

This site is so oddly compelling. This one is deeply unsettling if you think about it too hard.

***

TURTLE

In terms of awesome things to have in your police record, I think "threatening a cop with a d1ldo" is my new favorite.

Super stoked for a political cartoon renaissance.

All right, enough with the bacon already: one, two

Imma let you rock out Kid Cudi Baby, but the Florence+the Machine baby is still the greatest baby of all time.

wednesday!

I made a frozen dessert and I'm not sure what it is. The mix that went into the ice cream maker was 2/3 mango puree and 1/3 greek yogurt (with a little lime juice and honey). So it's not really yogurt-y enough to qualify as frozen yogurt. Sorbet doesn't have dairy in it. Sherbet? Gelato? Whatever it is, it's like, boom: MANGO. Also, the next time Top Chef does a prep/knife skills challenge, they should skip onions and have the chefs break down mangoes, those things are slippery little jerks.

Wisconsin: one, two

I dunno, I'd call this capitalism at work.

Science!!!

Confrontation can be healthy. Let's go for it.

(if you're not feeling particularly violent yet, this should help)

We're #3! Woo or something.

A genius analogy.

/headdesk

Hmm. The clinic has an office location at Foster and California, and the doctor who works there is a d0uche-on-wheels. I would be extremely amused if he were beset upon by coyotes. And also there's a church and grade school at that intersection, so maybe get on that sh1t.

***
Hedgehog! Tom has a box set of Soviet animation and it's *awesome*.

This is really lovely.

Bear!

ZIM

I love this woman. Is there cheese sauce on me?

tuesday!

Tom played hooky yesterday and we had some adventures so the round up's a little light today. Enjoy!


The War on Women (and Children): one, two

Teachers: one, two, three, four

Perspective.

***

How does this do that?

OMGOMGOMG

Gorgeous. And Amazing!

I need more black & white movie GIFs, this one is hot.

Whether he's Spiderman or not, Donald Glover is a superhero.

Y'know....the Period Doll is maybe not a terrible idea. Maybe more in the "Annie are you OK?" doll sense, and less the "my baby doll bled all over the couch and dog" sense, though.

YEAH!

monday!

Breakfast! Om nom nom!

You can sell this as "streamlining" all you want but all I'm going to hear is "consolidating power among fewer and fewer hands."

Labor: one, two, three, four

Economy: one, two, three

Wisconsin: one, two, three

Remembering the Triangle Shirtwaist Fire: one, two, three, four, five

Fzcking the Schools: one, two

Killing the Poor: one, two

So it turns out  Scott Adams is a megad0uche. With John Stossel as back up in today's d0uche patrol.

The War on Women: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine (the last one's not so much a part of the war as it is just really stupid)

Hey, this sounds totally reasonable.

Read your Driftglass, it's good for you: one, two

***

File Under: American Metaphors (this is the most delightful thing I've seen in weeks)

One for the Parks 'n Rec fans: obviously this horse's name is Sebastian.

Fun with Chicago History.

"Scream forever" pretty much nails it, yeah.

Ah, sh1t.

I want to go to this party. Holy crap, best parents evar.

KITTY: one, two

DrCaptAmerica's tweet, "Smashes her forehead into a mirror & spends the rest of the show giggling "How's Annie? How's Annie?! How's Annie?!?" #FinalOprah, made Tom laugh so hard he did the Awesome Laugh and pounded on the arm of his chair. Well done, sir.

happy friday!

Really? Then it's going to be "almost impossible" for me to not c0ckpunch you to death, Nestle a-holes.

Nightmarish. Sanitary healthcare conditions are one of those things I feel rightfully paranoid about.

Corporate greenwashing is one of those things that should guarantee an automatic pass to Hell. Fzck you, Chevron.

Some further thoughts on the South Dakota abortion ruling. I did not know that HIPPA doesn't apply to CPCs. That is seriously fzcked up.

But we already knew Mark Kirk is a piece of sh1t, right?

Dude, that is not a suspension, that is a terminable offense.

Numbers.

Heartwarming BAMF. (also)

This is amazing and beautiful. Read it.

***
I think it gets my vote for greatest.

Weird. I mean, good and all, and yay for our team and everything, but still: weird.

This guy has my full support. I may even donate to his campaign. Hell, how much worse can it get?

Apt!

This kinda reminded me of that.

love asplosion!

Random Facebook Person, you made my day.

thursday!

OKAY: If sh1t like this is "funny," we need some black candidates in the pool for the chief of police job. Granted, we should have some in the pool irrespective to racist cartoons, but seriously people.

And yet again I renew my argument for a tech-friendliness litmus test for public officeholders. That is pathetic.

It's hard to rewrite history when you've got pictures of it all over the place.

File Under: Kill the Poor, Schools, Chris Christie is a Piece of Sh1t
 
RIAA sues for more money than exists in the world, is told to go to hell.

So....this is fun.

Eh, penguins are jerks anyway, right? /cry

This is just screamingly funny. But this? It's going to take so much booze to get that image out of my head.

The Feline Menace!!

***

I am pretty sure you can still get wasted and watch Van Helsing with a bunch of puppies.

Reddit poster bigwax destroys the rest of your day.

wednesday!

I spent way too much time fzcking around on Reddit: whether you're sick of class warfare, or if you're in Arizona or Missouri, you many be considering moving to Germany, and some back ups to move to if Germany isn't your thing.

One of the more striking examples I've seen lately of the GOP trying to kill poor people. Related here.

Lindsey Graham is sort of the LAST person to be impugning someone else's manhood, right?

It's still the Sears Tower, but yeah, that is really cool.

/clapclapclap

Deep Tunnel, what is it good for?

Yay!! I hate the phone.

I'm just going to start stockpiling rice and beans.

Fashion Fat Ghettoes: I dunno if it's a feature or a bug that, when plus size clothing is sequestered, plus size shoppers are less likely to notice how the styles represented are only 25% of the variety featured in the regular section. That's my most frequent complaint. It used to be only fabrics in dark colors and obnoxious floral patterns too, but that's getting better.

RIP Pinetop Perkins.

***
Pole dancing with Jeebus. Yes.

Rules for Playing Ninja.

Spicy!

BUNNY

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Depending on your perspective, these are either more or only slightly less horrifying that the giant bugs in the prior link.

tuesday!

I can't handle any more conservatives or bureaucrats in my uterus. I can barely walk as it is.

Ladies and Gentlemen, your next Ambassador to China. Tell me that sh1t's not gonna happen.

There's a rumor circulating (I heard Matt Taibbi say it on Citizen Radio) that Warren may primary Obama. I am 1000% behind that.

California Nazis, making us all look good.

Perspective.

How do you solve a problem like the Media?

Point - Counterpoint

Well DUH.

***

Theodore Roosevelt was, in fact, hardcore.

Neil De Grasse Tyson makes you smarter.

Red Pandas are so cute they make me hate snow less.

Kitty in a Box!

monday!

Oooookay....I am all for greater gun control measures and all, but is now, going into the 2012 cycle, really the best time to bring up an issue that you know is going to freak out the crazies? And if the discussions really were spurred by the Tucson shooting, why are you only bringing it up now? I understand wanting to avoid accusations of politicizing a tragedy, but at the same time, I feel like this was dropped at a time when it would deliberately have minimal positive impact. I am so confused by their stupid non-strategy strategy. Related.

Rick Santorum is an embarrassing human being. Republicans: you cannot seriously want this man to run for president. His interactions with foreign leaders would be disastrous. Remember this? That times a thousand. For reals. Don't do it.

Fun with statistics.

This is completely grotesque. The only pleasant surprise is that the bill isn't being funded solely by Monsanto, I guess.

Content, Delivery, and the soon-to-be-fzcked-Internets. Incidentally, the NYT is restarting a paywall system and I refuse to be extorted $15/month for digital access so I'll be limited to 20 free articles a month and thus, probably won't be linking to them very often. I wish I could buy access to just op-eds on an a la carte basis; I would be happy to contribute to Paul Krugman's salary but loathe to kick in for Ross Douthat. Between Krugman and Mark Bittman, that's probably my 20 monthly views right there. /grumble

Short Answer: YES, a thousand times YES

Follow up on TX gang rape story. Heartbreaking.

Good luck with that when the proposals look like this.

Everything's fine, though. Pay no attention to that oil spill behind the curtain.

If this is true, the fake holiday and greeting card people must be overjoyed. New market!

WOW. Everyone knows that grammar has a liberal bias. Also, "Dan Quayle" and "reason" do not belong in the same sentence.

***

SUPERMOON. Damn cloud cover ruined it for us.

NOM. The Two Fat Ladies made a similar item in one of their episodes.

I need some pygmy goats and mini pigs and punk rock chickens for my tiny farm. Related.

It is becoming increasingly apparent that when I get the podcast up and running we'll be doing a feature on gaming.

Baby elephants make everything better.

HUGZ

I don't care if this is Photoshopped, I want to hang out with Space Cat.

I need a tiny dog to dress up.

wednesday!

DUDE

Japan: one, two, three, four

Wisconsin: one,

Sh1t's Blowing Up Everywhere: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven

File Under: Mature, Legal Responses

Kill the Poor: one, two, three

YUP (related here and here)

Paying taxes is not the same as being raped. STOP IT.

I really love Reddit sometimes. This thread is awesome.


***

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Shy walrus is shy.

tuesday!

Japan: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight

Wisconsin: one, two, three, four

Oh, good.

FZCK BANKS.

Every time you hear someone describe themselves as "fiscally conservative", replace with "economically self-destructive".

"There is another name for those who hold that the only proper moral consideration is the happiness of the self; for those who view empathy and compassion as weakness; who view selfishness as the only virtue: Psychopaths."

Bzzt!

Undocumented, Unafraid, Unapologetic.

Seconded. We cannot marginalize people any further without risking tremendous social instability, to say nothing of the extreme immorality of further codifying the growing permanent underclass.

Back the fzck up.

On the Media was really good this weekend, focused mainly on the NPR blitzkrieg. Also.

Holy sh1t: The average lifespan of a transgendered person is twenty-three years.

The War on Women: one, two, three, four, five

Hey, you've got a little misogynistic propaganda on your face there.

Awww....

Helpful hint: do not drink a whole bottle of soy sauce at a time.

***
My heart!!

Like a boss.

Adorbs! More adorbs! Snorgles! Adorable penguins! Cat island! Tracy Morgan!

monday!

Happy Monday, Citizens!!! (and related)

This is well said and I totally agree with it, but I'd also add that it would be nice, for a fzcking change, if Stewart would be serious for half a second about Wisconsin and labor rights as well instead of making fun of hippies, which is what most of their coverage has been. The Zadroga bill episode is proof that the show can have massive impact and it would be nice if Stewart used his gravitas and influence for something that didn't have a self-aggrandizing asterisk on it. And yes, I've already heard all the arguments about how they're comedy shows and blah blah blah, but fzck that, we are in a state of godsdamned emergency and people who have that loud a voice absolutely have a responsibility to use it. It's the whole artistic responsibility argument I've made a half-dozen times before.

The GOP is Screwing You of the Day: one, two, three

Wisconsin/Labor: one, two, THREE, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven

Interesting things are happening in Portugal too.

Japan: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine

Bradley Manning: one, two, three

Special Rules for Special People: one, two

And a bonus Special Rule: if you're white it's not terrorism. (more and more)

James O'Keefe is getting yet another pass: one, two

This is so fzcked it warrants extra coverage even though I already linked to the Rachel Maddow coverage of it last week.

DUDE

Look, this is stupid and offensive, but it's almost extra offensive that the list focuses almost entirely on race and totally excludes slurs against women and LGBT folks. I must presume calling women b1tches doesn't count as a "slur." Also a little confused by the inclusion of "Jew" on the list.

Isn't this unconstitutional? Seriously.

***
LOVE this.

More of whatever this is, please.

I wish I had known about these back when I wouldn't have found the idea kinda disgusting.

Skills. Recognize.

happy friday!

Wisconsin: one, two, three, four, five

Labor: one, two, three

Peter King's a giant bigot: one, two, three

Bonus bigots: one, two, three

WOW this is stupid. Not a huge fan of this either. Or these a-holes.

Where's Sarah Palin's giant mouth on this?

The War on Women: one, two

File Under: Not With a Bang But a Whimper

Still not happy about this.

Jan Brewer is a joke.

Um, because they're a-holes?

I hate you, Rand Paul. I hate you so much I don't think I can actually hate you more. You are the worst.

Boom, roasted.

***
Good reddit, bad reddit.

The 2011 Ravinia schedule is up! Because I'm a huge nerd loser I'm interested in kd lang, Lyle Lovett and the Gipsy Kings, but I also think the Gershwin night and the two-night CSO performance of the score from LOTR: Fellowship might be good too.

Potentially freaking awesome, but I could easily see half a dozen other character actors in the role.

omg, *I* will love you, little monkey.

thursday!

Yeah, the Statue of Liberty gives me a giant bonar too.

Labor: one, two, three

Peter King's a racist fzckface: one, two

They were probably in cahoots with the Black Panthers. /rimshot

Four Words: Bill Clinton Sex Tape. Think about it.

Holy CRAP.

Hey, you condescending prick, it isn't that I hate *God*, I hate people like you who use him as a cudgel.

Stephen King is kind of awesome sometimes.

Everyone is delusional.

aka "the Brimley Belt".

The first four minutes of this, before they even get to the interview, is pants-crappingly terrifying.

***
Awesome x 2

I cannot imagine how long it took to actually get some of these.

Lovings!! Watch on mute to avoid annoying cover of "Puppy Love".

Kitties: one, two (with lovey bunny omg)

wednesday!

I've been saying for a year or so now: more people will have to suffer and die. (possibly due to starvation following a planned food crisis. Holy sh1t we are evil.) It needs to be in peoples' faces, at their doorstep, for folks to get out there this time. Frankly, I don't entirely blame them for hesitating, since the conservatives have been crying wolf on the collapse of civilization since the 60s, so it's hard to tell if it's *really* time to stand up, but it is.

This is stupid. We don't need taxes on pensions. We need a progressive (not flat) income tax and we need to close loopholes for the rich and big business. Much more efficient and rational method of taxation.

Bonus points if you can help me find info on the Illinois action.

FZCK

Well, yeah. Fascism rising.

And....?

Ethics: one, two, three, four

Throws up hands, goes back to bed.

Let's give Utah the boot.

Previously unseen footage of the Twin Towers attack.

Are you fzcking kidding me? of the Day.

***

SUN

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

Moon Cave!

Almost done! Thank goodness, I'm exhausted.

KITTIES

Baby animals! I want one of each.

tuesday!

I can has prison reform, pls? The system as we're running it now is pretty fzcked.

The budget crisis is a filthy lie.

More Fzcked Economy: one, two, three, four, five, six

This was one of the most maddening things I've seen in a while. And the worst part is her fanbase will consider the appearance a win because (and/or despite the fact that) she didn't actually answer any questions. WTF.

Alan Simpson needs to GTFO of government like TWENTY YEARS AGO. FZCK.

Hot voter disenfranchising action. More here.

Further perspective on Mike Huckabee: pregnancy concern troll.

Delightful. Let's not talk about it, though.

OMG Socialism!

Not on its own, no. Though it's certainly convenient that the only news site that ever gets mentioned in these discussions is the one run by a woman with a funny sounding foreign accent.

WORST Supreme Court Justice EVER.

Bradley Manning: one, two, three

Wisconsin: one, two, three, four, five

the War on Education: one, two, three

I love the crap out of this song.

Gorgeous short piece on marketing-borne misery. Some semi-related business here.

UGH

***
Hey, this is fun for a minute.

"...wish I was up in that asz." AWWWW.

"Laborier notes that Germans will sometimes get naked in public without intent."

I have not watched this in full but Buckminster Fuller was an interesting dude.

Okay, "Shut up, Crime!" is great.

Tiny thing with a tiny umbrella.

monday!

So apparently I'm never going to work again. Vigilante squad? Who's with me?

We are torturing an American citizen to elicit a false confession.

Adorable.

I feel so safe. ALSO.

CNN: are you fzcking kidding me? NYT, same question.

Y'know who this guy reminds me of? Jesus.

Bigot FAIL. More hot, red-faced bigot action here.

Yet another example of how we do absolutely everything backwards. Also.

Grab a hanky and watch this.

***

Two things: 1.) Graham Evans is a b1tchin rock star from Mars, and 2.) I wouldn't be at all surprised if activity like that actually helps him concentrate on oral arguments. I've found, if I'm listening to a podcast (especially if it's challenging, like Majority Report, and it makes me think about things and distracts me from focused listening), it's easier for me to concentrate if I play Spider Solitaire or Mah Jong Titans. Is that a common thing, or do I need to score some Adderall?

Oh Wonkette, I love you so.

Tom is SO HAPPY.

#winning

A special Monday LOL for Pat.

thursday!

Two Things: 1.) This is honest-to-goodness terrifying, and 2.) Presumably a good bit of the optometry lobby money came from the optical chains like For Eyes and Pearle Vision, but I wonder how much might've flowed from Walmart's coffers as well, since they also offer in-house optometry services and probably want a bigger piece of the eye market. Also, thinking about "the eye market" makes me srsly queasy.

Or, municipalities could actually PAY PEOPLE TO WORK. I am all for volunteerism in general, but damn that is stupid and awful all over.

This does very little to abate my general level of paranoia.

Sooo incredibly disappointed in Chris Dodd.

Holy crap, SCOTUS is not-useless for a minute.

Kill the Poor: one, two, three, four, five, six (MUST READ...companion video here)

Koch Overdose: one, two, three, four, five, SIX

LIES

I can't wait until they come out with Dr. Pepper Black or something. Morons.

The global gag rule is a giant bunch of bullsh1t and should never, ever be reinstated. It kills women, full stop. Related: B Universe Alert!

Xtian FAIL.

Coconut oil is, in fact, amazing.

This is a REALLY good point about pay for performance that I hadn't considered before. Well said.

I love this and I'm going to write to the relevant Chicago folks to get a similar rule here. Don't really have an opinion yet on this, though. I'm a bit more concerned about the gun owners without ID cards, frankly, and that's a whole other problem.

***
FZCKSAW!!!

Well, yeah. Nicely done font work as well.

Random Tumblr memes give me great joy.

Michael Caine is not interested in mincing words.

Okay, so this one time, a couple of years back, Tom and I went to the Kmart by our old apartment, right around this time of year (meaning right before Easter) and they had obviously selected a random employee, who happened to be a surly-faced Latina teenager with a sparkly nose piercing, to wear a fuzzy pink bunny suit to greet customers at the door and hand out sales flyers. Needless to say, Saddest Bunny Evar. Anyway, this reminded me of that.

wednesday!

I'm sure these are flying under the radar in states beyond Wisconsin, too. The impact of some of those things are staggering--the 2/3 majority required for tax increases is the same thing that's currently fzcking California. Number #3 is particularly mindblowing as well. At what point do Dems start campaigning on the platform of "The GOP Wants to Kill You"?

Anonymous: one, two

This is parody. This is not.

Danny Glover is not too old for this sh1t.

Nothing to see here, citizens.

YES, this pls.

The Interregnum.

Bernie Madoff: victim of circumstance. Pardon me as I vomit.

The GOP is trying to destroy jobs to win the 2012 electoral math.

Seems fair to me. /eyeroll

Or we could feed and educate poor people: one, two, three

headdesk: one, two

I want to be a bureaucrat. Requisition me a beat!

Yeah. Chicago needs a LOT of work. And Illinois in general, this is freaking ridiculous.

Glenn Beck knows what's best for you.

***
Fzck Yes.

This is sort of lovely and heartwarming.

SIGH. Charlie Sheen: one, two

PFFT. Isn't Pink Floyd the better comparison anyway?

YES

At what point do we get to start calling these guys a-holes for wasting huge amounts of food for no good reason? Srsly.

Okay, I understand where the Paula Deen Riding Flying Butter thing came from now, and yet, I have so many more questions.

I love Tom Hanks.

OMG Nerdgasm.

tuesday!

Hey Fzckheads, I don't want my tax dollars supporting THIS. How 'bout we make that happen?

WHAT THE FZCK.

Winning the future with dumb, malnourished children.

Hey, I like $122 million.

Fzcked healthcare. Requiring that radiological techs get certified sounds an awful lot like commie pinko regulation, though. Much better to have to make a consumer decision based on irradiated scrotum statistics.

So it's a like a Scared Straight kind of thing, right? RIGHT?

Labor: one, two (do not want), three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine

Hey, Keith Olbermann has a blog!

I know we're all decidedly not-caring about Charlie Sheen, but this is a good point. (Though the Today Show interviews are like whoa. That thing about him being bitchin' like a rockstar from Mars? Awesome.)

Mmm, Christlike.

Yay...?

***
GUNS

/approve

Apparently this is a theme this week.

Kitteh!

lolz

Baby Sloth! Who wants to go on a field trip to Lincoln Park Zoo?